Monday, December 1, 2014


I am so tempted to write this particular blog in the third person.  But I must not.  I must, for some reason fully claim this story.

Filled with conflict as old as I am, I was led to Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss. On page 178 she speaks of " a miracle without restrictions". She defines it as meaning to not care how God resolves it, the person simply want the conflict to end. I was stunned for in recent days I had realized coming to the place of even if death was the answer to my conflict I could not carry it any longer. I desired resolution that deeply and wearily.  I hadn't realized that I could request such a miracle if I was truly that desperate.

78 years ago at the time of my birth, my mother became very ill of complications from my birth. When I was 3 weeks old she died leaving me and my brother of 18 months. My parents had been delightfully happy according to all accounts "a marriage made in heaven".  I lost both of my parents that day, one to death and one to a wound he could not heal.

Unwittingly, I took on the burden of healing a deeply wounded male. I desperately need a parent. Although my father was there in body, his spirit had gone elsewhere. If I could heal this wounded male I could somehow redeem myself. I could finally find freedom from guilt and unrequited love. How could I know that the natural but unfulfilled need would color my entire life so deeply, so profoundly?

How could I know that I would reach 78 years still carrying that unconscious belief that by healing a
wounded man I could somehow I heal/redeem myself? Then I would be free. What an undertaking! What a trespassing on other peoples lives and soul purposes!  And then today, although I had read 
these words before, I was ready to turn to God without restriction and ask for a miracle.

Generally when we ask for miracles we harbor certain restrictions, don't we?  Sort of like " oh God,
 make me a saint but not now". Today I knew I laid down all my restrictions on this deeply rooted issue. . Today I know that my only job now is to experience the miracle as it unfolds. For that is our
God given promise.

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