Monday, December 1, 2014

A MIRACLE WITHOUT RESTRICTIONS

I am so tempted to write this particular blog in the third person.  But I must not.  I must, for some reason fully claim this story.

Filled with conflict as old as I am, I was led to Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss. On page 178 she speaks of " a miracle without restrictions". She defines it as meaning to not care how God resolves it, the person simply want the conflict to end. I was stunned for in recent days I had realized coming to the place of even if death was the answer to my conflict I could not carry it any longer. I desired resolution that deeply and wearily.  I hadn't realized that I could request such a miracle if I was truly that desperate.

78 years ago at the time of my birth, my mother became very ill of complications from my birth. When I was 3 weeks old she died leaving me and my brother of 18 months. My parents had been delightfully happy according to all accounts "a marriage made in heaven".  I lost both of my parents that day, one to death and one to a wound he could not heal.

Unwittingly, I took on the burden of healing a deeply wounded male. I desperately need a parent. Although my father was there in body, his spirit had gone elsewhere. If I could heal this wounded male I could somehow redeem myself. I could finally find freedom from guilt and unrequited love. How could I know that the natural but unfulfilled need would color my entire life so deeply, so profoundly?

How could I know that I would reach 78 years still carrying that unconscious belief that by healing a
wounded man I could somehow I heal/redeem myself? Then I would be free. What an undertaking! What a trespassing on other peoples lives and soul purposes!  And then today, although I had read 
these words before, I was ready to turn to God without restriction and ask for a miracle.

Generally when we ask for miracles we harbor certain restrictions, don't we?  Sort of like " oh God,
 make me a saint but not now". Today I knew I laid down all my restrictions on this deeply rooted issue. . Today I know that my only job now is to experience the miracle as it unfolds. For that is our
God given promise.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

JOY AND SORROW

Kahlil Gibran tells us in the Prophet that sorrow and joy are of the same cup.
Over the years I've learned the truth of that. But like other truths, I understand it more deeply as time goes by. And so it was a few days ago that my soul said stop: stop and release the sorrow of your heart, Katheryn. And so I did for I had no choice. I cried and heaved great moans as I let the impact of
my loss surface. Not yet finished, I was filled with images of deep loss throughout the night. When I first awoke I was in fearful awe of those images. Then I began to experience a joy that was equal to my sorrow. And I knew once again, when I am given sorrow, it is my job to experience it. And from that same cup, joy will come.

Why are we given sorrow?  It is through our sorrow that we become able to feel true and deep
compassion.  Sorrow tells us we are part of the human family and as humans we have that common bond. (go and find a house where sorrow has not visited).  To look at sorrow as a punishment completely misses the mark. We are not creatures "deserving punishment". We are God's beloved!  Sorrow is there to make us more deeply and fully human.  It is there to lead us to our compassion, the cherished quality that takes us directly to soul awareness. As we become more conscious of ourselves as souls, we become more filled with Love, for soul is Love. 

Joy is divine and needs no explanation. But so is sorrow when we understand it's wondrous purpose.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
        love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over annnouncing your place
in the family of things.

I have kept this poem around me for many years. It speaks to me of what I seem to forget time and time again:  that I am worthy....that I don't need to be a certain way.....that I don't need to do a certain thing. It poses a question I read long ago and have never forgotten: Even if humans are not good, why should we be punished? The farther I go the more I see that my seeking to "be better" is my greatest obstacle.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

THE SHIP

Once many years ago, I was told by someone close to me that my ship had sunken at sea many years ago and that I should quit waiting for it.  I am here to say that that person was very very wrong, Praise God!  NO ONE'S SHIP HAS SUNK. It is with that complete and true realization that I post  Mike Dooley's beautiful words of truth.

Your ship was spotted off the coast this morning, slipping silently through the fog... coming around the cape she appeared in a shaft of sunlight... and what a sight to see! Glimmering as much as the ocean herself. Massive and beautiful beyond belief! Laden with treasures, happy times, friends, love, and laughter. Quick, you must PREPARE for her docking... you MUST make space in your life for her gifts... otherwise, just as quickly, she’ll quietly slip back out to sea.  Mike Dooley

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Morning, blessed morning

Whether one is twenty, forty, sixty, or eighty; whether one has succeeded, failed or just muddled along - life begins each morning! The greatest fact in life is that it is never too late to start again. Biography simply overflows with inspiring examples of this truth. However discouraging your days may have been, keep this thought burning brightly in your mind: life begins each morning!
L.M. Hodges

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Eulogy To Nikki

On March 5th, 2012 my friend Nikki passed. I have only known her for a little more than 20 years. On the other hand, I have known her forever and into eternity.  Nikki is my soul sister and I use that phrase with deliberate intent. I have never known anyone as deeply spiritual and yet as authentically human as Nikki. On dark days when I pondered the course of humanity, talking to her always bolstered my faith.

Nikki was very grounded in this physical life where, like all humans, she experienced both immense sorrow and immense joy. She felt a need to atone for her shortcomings, suffered her losses, yet felt immense gratitude. She also saw clearly how important it was that she help those in need who crossed her path.  

Yet just as she experienced the wide range of the human condition, she lived for the Christ. As her physical body deteriorated, she fell more deeply into the loving arms of Christ and his Promise. There is not a doubt in my mind or heart that she is now complete in that Peace that is beyond all words. She was able to accomplish her intentions for this life and finally to surrender to Him completely.

It is not for Nikki that I mourn. It is selfishly for me and for all of us who gained strength from her wisdom and guidance. I believe that our purpose in this life is to become more fully human while remaining grounded in our spiritual truth. Nikki accomplished that with such great skill, dignity and grace. My darling soul sister, one last time, let me tell you that I love you completely. 

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Human misconception.

Contrary to everything we would like to believe.........we are given this day alone.  The good news is that it is sufficient!